Oldskooler Ramblings

the unlikely child born of the home computer wars

It’s been fun

Posted by Trixter on December 26, 2018


My vote for the most subtle-yet-cruel entry in the category of brain mis-wirings is Imposter’s Syndrome. (It is also a first-world problem; apologies if this offends you.) I have it fairly bad, and it’s gotten worse as I age. It has prevented me from starting projects, finishing projects, and having normal levels of self-confidence. I am, thankfully, able to praise and mentor other people as necessary, but I cannot provide that for myself. Combine this with yearly instances of FOMO and you end up with someone who goes through waves of trying to join the party, only to feel sheepish once they get there.

This must end. Not in the manner in which my friends and fans might have hoped, but it simply has to end if I’m going to be available for the people who matter (including, most importantly, myself). So, it ends today. It ends with a list of things I’ve achieved in my life by my own skill, intelligence, and volition. I’m granting myself permission to be proud of everything on this list.

And, most importantly:

  • Met my wife, became a better person for her, and started a family

That is truly my greatest accomplishment. It has directly touched hundreds of lives, contributed something positive to the world, and will outlive me by many decades, if not centuries.

But this person is going away, and this is the third-last post I will be writing on this blog.

3 Responses to “It’s been fun”

  1. alkivar said

    you’ve been doing this blog for 12 years… your blog has always been interesting, but you have done your part, don’t feel bad about stopping to spend more time on you and the family.

    Good luck in your future endeavors. You can always come back later if you feel you need to.

  2. cxw said

    I agree with alkivar!

    Trixter, my congratulations on everything on that list! I would like to ask one thing: in view of the post after this one, even though (because?) I can’t read its contents, would you please discuss these things with a therapist if you haven’t already? I certainly don’t want to pry, but am feeling a bit uncertain. Thanks for considering this request!

    I hope to meet you at a demoparty someday! Until then, happy *.*!

  3. Hi Jim, just wanted to chime in and say thanks for all these years of interesting projects.
    I first started following your work in the days of the Hornet Archive, and I consider you the de facto demoscene historian.
    Take care of yourself, do what you need to in order to feel good and have fun :)
    So long, and thanks for everything!

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